I have taken a little break from blogging and my social media accounts kind of unintentionally. Unfortunately I find, that when enough time goes by, I have difficulty justifying jumping back in. “This post isn’t interesting enough,” I tell myself. “Nobody really cares about this,” I think. But last night, I realized something as I lay in bed reading my OWN posts from the past year and a half. This blog, this story of where I have been, is my story. This blog, the words that I write in hopes to inspire others, it inspires me. These stories in my head, the ones that I’m not positive are good enough for you, they are good enough for me. And so I’m going to keep writing. And I’m going to keep taking pictures. And I’m going to push past the inadequacy and keep moving forward. Because I owe it to myself.
I created this little space on the interwebs after becoming a Stay At Home Mama 2 years and 3 months ago. My son Brecken was 2.5 and my daughter Annabelle was 6 months old. You may have heard the story before, or know my family personally and know our journey. But I want to relive it myself. I want to remember the conversations my husband Jeremy and I had about me taking a break from my career in marketing to stay at home with the kids. I want to go back to the feeling of selling our new construction home and moving to our 117 year old home on an acre of land in my tiny little hometown in Nebraska.
I want to remember the deep feelings of inadequacy as a mother that I felt day and night. I want to remember the post-partum depression and anxiety I experienced during pregnancy and after having both Brecken and Annabelle. And I want to thank GOD for pressing so firmly on my heart that my ministry needed to be at home with our little children. I want to remember my very first day as a Stay at Home Mama and the nature hunts I went on with the kids. I want to remember walking the country roads and collecting rocks and cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors and dishes and laundry…goodness gracious all of the dishes and laundry. And the emergency room visits and the church services and the smiles and the tears. I want to remember it all.
And I want to wrap up the last two years and three months with a pretty little bow and tuck it away in my pocket and carry it with me as I return to a full-time job in sales and marketing tomorrow.
Did I fail? Is returning to work a declaration of defeat? Quite the opposite I believe. I think returning to work, for me, is a revelation that my family and I have continued through this journey and are at a point to once again take a leap of faith and make some changes. Now to be honest, I am terrified. I am never sure if the decisions we make are absolutely crazy or absolutely brilliant. Luckily they typically fall somewhere in the middle. Only time will tell I suppose.
If you feel stuck right now in your life, I want to encourage you to take a leap of faith. Trust God. He has never steered us wrong.